Female empowerment in Islam: A perspective on men being “quwamoon”

One of the most widely prevalent misconceptions about Islam that exists world over (including amongst many Muslims themselves) is that Islam as a religious code keeps women in either outright oppression or in at least a seriously disadvantaged social position. In sha Allah I have made the intention to do a series of posts, whenever I will have the opportunity, to dispel this myth. 

One of the most controversial ayahs of the Quran with respect to this debate about women’s rights in Islam is verse 34 of Surah Nisa where Allah describes men as women’s “quwamoon”, a word which has been translated as protectors, maintainers, managers, and by some as even controllers. Without wanting to dwell into the second half of the ayah at this point in time, I just want to share an example of how during the time of the Prophet, may Allah’s peace and blessing be upon him, the Prophet himself explained and showed us how to be “quwamoon” or rather how to deal with thos who are stingy "quwamoon":

Once, Hind, the wife of Abu Sufyan, came to Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) and said, "O Messenger of Allah, Abu Sufyan is a stingy man and does not give me and my children enough provisions except when I take something from him without his knowledge. " Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "Take what is reasonably sufficient for you and your children.” (narrated in Bukhari and Muslim)

Subhanllah! This must seem unthinkable for the people who always out to prove that the Muslim women are the most subjugated creatures on planet earth. Here is the Prophet telling a woman that she can practically steal her husband’s wealth to provide for herself and her children if he is not fulfilling these responsibilities. Of course this is not a license for women to go and empty their husband’s pockets every time they feel like going on a shopping spree, but Muslim women should really feel tremendously empowered by this ayah and ahadith like this (and countless more which I haven’t quoted). Allah swt has freed us from the need to worry about our provision.

Whether we are married or unmarried, Allah swt has always placed the difficult responsibility of finding the financial means to fulfill our needs on someone else’s shoulders. We are entitled to be spent on, to be looked after and cared for. We have a right on other people’s hard earned money (and even more empowering is the fact that none of our “qawamoon” has a right over what we earn!). So in other words, as a good friend of mine puts it, whatever we earn in just our money, but whatever our husband’s earn is also our money!

We have a luxury that most women in the west do not have and probably secretly crave. We are not supposed to spend from what we earn or own on our husband, or our children, or even our parents. It’s good if we do or want to, but this is not our responsibility. But it is for men. They are suppose to pay the utility bills, buy the groceries, foot the bills for our clothes (hurray!), pay the rent, pay the school fees of the children and all we have to do is sit at home, and be available for them and may be if we want cook for them and clean the house (even this according to some scholars is strictly not a legal responsibility but a moral one –okay I better not open that hornet’s nest here- and we can even ask for domestic help if the husband can afford it!).

Subhannallah! So we get housing, clothing, food, even entertainment and domestic help if we want, all simply in return for being there for them! And there’s more, there’s reward and Allah’s blessings and His pleasure to be gained if we do this. So just by being at home and enjoy our privileges, we also get the bonus of doing something for our Hereafter.

I’m not saying that there is no provision in Islam for women working if they want to with their husband’s permission (that’s another debate), but trying to highlight just how much of a privilege this is (because most women do not realize). This realization has especially been profoundly dawned upon me recently because I just quit a job two months ago, and then declined another good offer shortly afterwards all because I could. Imagine men being jobless and the pressure they are under!

One of the reasons I wanted to go back to working after moving to Saudi Arabia two years ago was because I felt I was not really accomplishing something. But ever since I quit the job I was so eager to do because it wasn’t really satisfying me and came back to being at home with my daughter and being the ordinary house wife I thought I was, I finally realized that I was not ordinary at all.

I had the extraordinary privilege to have all my needs met because Allah swt had put someone in charge of them and I didn’t even need to worry about them. I could demand if they were not being met and they would have to be fulfilled. Also, unlike the job I was doing where I was quickly replaced after I quit, there is no replacement for my role at my home. I have a value here that I have nowhere and this finally fulfilled the sense of achievement I had been looking for. Sure I might still pursue a job if I get bored, but now I know that if I don’t and or can’t, there will not be any regrets.

What has been so negatively portrayed as women’s subjugation is arguably the greatest sign of female empowerment in Islam. Instead of viewing this as women being financially dependent on other men, we should view this as women having financial entitlement to the earning of their fathers and husbands. In the West, although the husband is expected to provide for his family, in a more casual relationship, such as cohabiting couples, there is often no explicit understanding that one person is financially responsible for the other.

The right of the women that their men fulfill their financial needs and the complete ownership of their own wealth, is one of the greatest rights Islam has given women. Unfortunately, many women in the sub-continent are not aware of these things.

It is disturbingly common to hear stories from female domestic help in major urban cities complaining about their husbands who refuse to work, and then on top of it snatch away most of the money they earn to make ends meet. Many a times, such men are also abusers and druggies. I could not understand why these women persisted in these relationships where the husbands were not fulfilling any of even their most fundamental rights simply on the absurd notion that “baap kaa saya bachon per rahey ga”. What kind of saya is this where the baap does not even provide for the children? Or those stories from interior Punjab and Sindh where the womenfolk work hard and long all day on the fields, come back home, do the cooking, cleaning and look after the kids, while the husband just sits on the choki all day long smoking away a huckah. Wallahi Allah swt is going to take to task such men who are negligent of fulfilling their responsibilities towards their wives.

This sort of culture even manifests its self in slightly more affluent middle class families where some husbands and in-laws positively expect a new bride to continue her job after her marriage, or find one if she didn’t have one, and even place most of her income in the family budget. The wife has no reason to obey her husband and go and do a job in the first place and she has the right to stay at home and be provided for. If she wants to work out of her own free will, then she needs the husband’s permission, but even then, whatever she earns is her own money and the husband is by no means entitled to it whatsoever.

Similarly, whatever the women receives as her dowry, i.e her mahar, from the husband, she has the right to spend from it as she wills and the husband should give the dowry as soon as  he is able to. Similarly, if there is any amount the wife has received as a gift from her parents or as a part of her inheritance, the husband has absolutely no right what so ever over it. Yet it is all too common to see women in the subcontinent being denied these rights (which is why perhaps so many people in the West have misconceptions about Islam).

The list of practices which are purely cultural in origin and are wrongly confused with Islam is quite a long one. But I’d like to end this post today with the point with which I started it, quwamon can be best understood as men being in a position where they are responsible for women. This is not at all subjugation or oppression, but rather a privilege and honor. Muslim women should feel gratitude to their guardians and foremost to Allah swt that He ordained a social order where we do not have to worry about our sustenance.

All praise belongs to Allah, and He is the only one worth of worship. May Allah swt make our spouses the light of our eyes and may He enable Muslim women to realize the tremendous honors she has been bestowed with.