No Honor in Killing

The news from Pakistan just keeps depressing day by day. I was only still recovering from the news that a pregnant woman was stoned to death in broad day light in front of Lahore HIgh Court, by her own father when this shocker has arrived. Apparently the dead woman's husband had murdered his first wife because he loved the second woman so much. May Allah have mercy on the souls of both these women.

Don't know what's worse, a father stoning her pregnant daughter, or husband strangulating wife because he loves another woman. How far low we can fall from this? Istead of accepting his own weakness of faith and total absence of a moral conscious the husband person comes out and  indirectly blames his dead second wife for being the reason he killed his first wife. I don't even want to say anything about the father, except hat I hope he regrets and repents from his sin before Allah takes him to task. May Allah swt guide and forgive these men. But these and countless other horror stories of violence against women in the Muslim world are now becoming too frequent and too grotesque to ignore or dismiss as mere aberrations.

We can no longer turn a blind eye to the fact that violence against women is an epidemic of deadly proportions across the Muslim world, through no fault of Islam, which is why it is even more disgraceful and condemnable. We come from a faith where the Prophet never hit a woman in his life, denounced female infanticide and till his last days, kept advising the men, to take care of their woman and be kind and gentle to them. Yet today, men, and unfortunately even women, in many Muslims societies think it is man's right to sanction and discipline women.

This misplaced understanding of faith has created an attitude where men consider it their right to use force at any whim and created an adverse environment in which many women silently suffer abuse without having any means to protect themselves. Sometimes even silently suffering is portrayed as being rewarding in the eyes of Allah. This couldn't be further from the truth. Deliberately putting your self in harm's way, and not doing what you can do to fight for your rights is by no means Islamic and does not earn you any blessings.

Its not just with regards to violence against women, but even generally speaking, societal attitudes towards men who are benevolent towards women are highly negative. A man who consults with his wife before making decisions is a "joru ko ghulam". Increasingly, practices and behaviors which are actually closer to Sunnah are considered "unmanly" (such as helping out with domestic chores). What ought to be considered gentlemanly behavior, is rejected and instead unconditional servitude and abuse is accepted, promoted and even demanded as male privilege. None of this has any basis in Islam whose sets of rights and responsibilities for men and women are based on justice and each gender's unique characteristics.

No doubt women every where in the Ummah will be answerable to Allah for the sins they have done and many times we do slack of from some our responsibilities, but abuse and violence is not the answer. In fact, majority of the victims of abuse have done nothing to deserve such cruelty and in most cases they are meted out these punishments for asking for rights that Allah swt has rightly bestowed them with. Because of male abuse of their rights, the vast majority of women every where in the Muslim world are in seriously disadvantaged social position, denied even the most fundamental rights that Allah swt has bestowed them with, and men are the culprit. There is no running away from this fact. Men have forgotten that just because they may be physically stronger it does not give them the right to do whatever they want. If you can do nothing else, at least let us live with dignity and honor and stop putting us a bait to satisfy your ego. Fear Allah!

I don't know how or when men will stop using religion to justify their loss of self-control. Islam in no ways sanctions violence against women.There is no dignity or honor in disrespecting or abusing women and resort to such means is not a sign of male strength but weakness. If you are a real man, you will never hit a woman.

My heart aches every time I read or think about these two women. One was stoned to death by her own father in Lahore for the crime of choosing to marry out of her own will, a right that Islam grants her, and the other was murdered by the very man Allah swt entrusted with the responsibility to protect and guard her. They will stand before Allah on the Day of Judgement and seek justice from the men who have wronged them. May Allah swt elevate their ranks in Paradise.

In the meantime, each one of us has a responsibility to condemn this, and to try and do whatever we can do prevent these injustices from happening so repeatedly. The least we can do is play our part in changing societal attitudes toward violence against women by correcting the misunderstandings that even many seemingly educated people have about religion sanctioning violence against women.

Some thoughts on Bilawal and the Sindh Festival

It has been rather painful to see the sudden rise of  Bilawal Zardari (sorry I refuse to call him Bhutto) from relative political obscurity to the liberal press' poster child for the anti Taliban movement.

Whilst his anti-Taliban rhetoric is well grounded those who think this man or his family can bring change in Pakistan could do well to tell me what the Bhuttos have done for Pakistan in previous terms in office (including the most recent one where the Taliban menace was at its peak and the government powerless to control it) or why tax payers should trust a family with their votes on whom their are tons of corruption charges.

I hope too that others can see the great irony in this entire situation where a man who has barely spent a fraction of his total lifetime in Pakistan (let alone Sindh in particular) coming and proclaiming his attachments to its cultural values, or the fact that even the logo for this Sindh Festival event was copied (if he isn't even honest about something as small as this logo and doesn't even care about copyright, why would he care about putting the public money where it deserves to be put?).

There is also a legitimate question here about whether such an event was necessary at all at this point in time at tax payers expense (who ever believes Bilawal's claim that they will return the money they borrowed from Sindh government for this fanfare is obviously deluded) when so many in Sindhi in particular and Pakistan over all have far more serious things to worry about than projection of a better cultural image of Pakistan!

Bilawal boy has been rightly critical of the education system in his various recent speeches but I don't understand why he didn't consider it more pertinent to invest this money in education ...to build schools in Larkana, Badin, Thatta, Ghari Khuda Bukhs, to find teachers for all ghost schools, to carry out a full fledged province wise enrollment drive. I'm sure that if an education drive was carried out at the same scale as this pointless Sindh festival, Pakistan's image and indeed Bilawal's image and his reputation amongst non-Sindhis would have fared much better. But than again if the people of Sindh get education, would they still blindly vote for the Bhuttos? Perhaps not, that's why next year you will again have a grandiose good for nothing cultural festival but no additional spending on education. Because if the masses remain illiterate and deluded this is good for the Bhuttos.

He's also got to learn to get his history right. Sindh may have been the gateway for Islam in the sub-continent but the first translation of the Quran was not in Sindhi but in Persian in the 8th century. "Don’t teach us Islam, don’t teach us sharia, we are well aware of Islam” he is reported to have said in much publicized Sindh Festival closing ceremony. I do agree that we have no need to take our understanding of religion from the Taliban, but if we start taking our understanding of religion from the Bhuttos or the PPP, or indeed ANY of the political parties in Pakistan, than Allah save us in the hereafter truly!

Bilawal is hoping that through the Sindh Festival he is able to show Pakistan's real face to the world, but all I am hoping and praying for is that some day Sindhis, Pakistanis as a whole and indeed the world can see the real face of this Bhutto dynasty and their fractured legacy. May Allah save us from being put in charge of this man and if this is our fate, than may Allah give him right guidance before he is put in authority over us.

Female empowerment in Islam: A perspective on men being “quwamoon”

One of the most widely prevalent misconceptions about Islam that exists world over (including amongst many Muslims themselves) is that Islam as a religious code keeps women in either outright oppression or in at least a seriously disadvantaged social position. In sha Allah I have made the intention to do a series of posts, whenever I will have the opportunity, to dispel this myth. 

One of the most controversial ayahs of the Quran with respect to this debate about women’s rights in Islam is verse 34 of Surah Nisa where Allah describes men as women’s “quwamoon”, a word which has been translated as protectors, maintainers, managers, and by some as even controllers. Without wanting to dwell into the second half of the ayah at this point in time, I just want to share an example of how during the time of the Prophet, may Allah’s peace and blessing be upon him, the Prophet himself explained and showed us how to be “quwamoon” or rather how to deal with thos who are stingy "quwamoon":

Once, Hind, the wife of Abu Sufyan, came to Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) and said, "O Messenger of Allah, Abu Sufyan is a stingy man and does not give me and my children enough provisions except when I take something from him without his knowledge. " Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "Take what is reasonably sufficient for you and your children.” (narrated in Bukhari and Muslim)

Subhanllah! This must seem unthinkable for the people who always out to prove that the Muslim women are the most subjugated creatures on planet earth. Here is the Prophet telling a woman that she can practically steal her husband’s wealth to provide for herself and her children if he is not fulfilling these responsibilities. Of course this is not a license for women to go and empty their husband’s pockets every time they feel like going on a shopping spree, but Muslim women should really feel tremendously empowered by this ayah and ahadith like this (and countless more which I haven’t quoted). Allah swt has freed us from the need to worry about our provision.

Whether we are married or unmarried, Allah swt has always placed the difficult responsibility of finding the financial means to fulfill our needs on someone else’s shoulders. We are entitled to be spent on, to be looked after and cared for. We have a right on other people’s hard earned money (and even more empowering is the fact that none of our “qawamoon” has a right over what we earn!). So in other words, as a good friend of mine puts it, whatever we earn in just our money, but whatever our husband’s earn is also our money!

We have a luxury that most women in the west do not have and probably secretly crave. We are not supposed to spend from what we earn or own on our husband, or our children, or even our parents. It’s good if we do or want to, but this is not our responsibility. But it is for men. They are suppose to pay the utility bills, buy the groceries, foot the bills for our clothes (hurray!), pay the rent, pay the school fees of the children and all we have to do is sit at home, and be available for them and may be if we want cook for them and clean the house (even this according to some scholars is strictly not a legal responsibility but a moral one –okay I better not open that hornet’s nest here- and we can even ask for domestic help if the husband can afford it!).

Subhannallah! So we get housing, clothing, food, even entertainment and domestic help if we want, all simply in return for being there for them! And there’s more, there’s reward and Allah’s blessings and His pleasure to be gained if we do this. So just by being at home and enjoy our privileges, we also get the bonus of doing something for our Hereafter.

I’m not saying that there is no provision in Islam for women working if they want to with their husband’s permission (that’s another debate), but trying to highlight just how much of a privilege this is (because most women do not realize). This realization has especially been profoundly dawned upon me recently because I just quit a job two months ago, and then declined another good offer shortly afterwards all because I could. Imagine men being jobless and the pressure they are under!

One of the reasons I wanted to go back to working after moving to Saudi Arabia two years ago was because I felt I was not really accomplishing something. But ever since I quit the job I was so eager to do because it wasn’t really satisfying me and came back to being at home with my daughter and being the ordinary house wife I thought I was, I finally realized that I was not ordinary at all.

I had the extraordinary privilege to have all my needs met because Allah swt had put someone in charge of them and I didn’t even need to worry about them. I could demand if they were not being met and they would have to be fulfilled. Also, unlike the job I was doing where I was quickly replaced after I quit, there is no replacement for my role at my home. I have a value here that I have nowhere and this finally fulfilled the sense of achievement I had been looking for. Sure I might still pursue a job if I get bored, but now I know that if I don’t and or can’t, there will not be any regrets.

What has been so negatively portrayed as women’s subjugation is arguably the greatest sign of female empowerment in Islam. Instead of viewing this as women being financially dependent on other men, we should view this as women having financial entitlement to the earning of their fathers and husbands. In the West, although the husband is expected to provide for his family, in a more casual relationship, such as cohabiting couples, there is often no explicit understanding that one person is financially responsible for the other.

The right of the women that their men fulfill their financial needs and the complete ownership of their own wealth, is one of the greatest rights Islam has given women. Unfortunately, many women in the sub-continent are not aware of these things.

It is disturbingly common to hear stories from female domestic help in major urban cities complaining about their husbands who refuse to work, and then on top of it snatch away most of the money they earn to make ends meet. Many a times, such men are also abusers and druggies. I could not understand why these women persisted in these relationships where the husbands were not fulfilling any of even their most fundamental rights simply on the absurd notion that “baap kaa saya bachon per rahey ga”. What kind of saya is this where the baap does not even provide for the children? Or those stories from interior Punjab and Sindh where the womenfolk work hard and long all day on the fields, come back home, do the cooking, cleaning and look after the kids, while the husband just sits on the choki all day long smoking away a huckah. Wallahi Allah swt is going to take to task such men who are negligent of fulfilling their responsibilities towards their wives.

This sort of culture even manifests its self in slightly more affluent middle class families where some husbands and in-laws positively expect a new bride to continue her job after her marriage, or find one if she didn’t have one, and even place most of her income in the family budget. The wife has no reason to obey her husband and go and do a job in the first place and she has the right to stay at home and be provided for. If she wants to work out of her own free will, then she needs the husband’s permission, but even then, whatever she earns is her own money and the husband is by no means entitled to it whatsoever.

Similarly, whatever the women receives as her dowry, i.e her mahar, from the husband, she has the right to spend from it as she wills and the husband should give the dowry as soon as  he is able to. Similarly, if there is any amount the wife has received as a gift from her parents or as a part of her inheritance, the husband has absolutely no right what so ever over it. Yet it is all too common to see women in the subcontinent being denied these rights (which is why perhaps so many people in the West have misconceptions about Islam).

The list of practices which are purely cultural in origin and are wrongly confused with Islam is quite a long one. But I’d like to end this post today with the point with which I started it, quwamon can be best understood as men being in a position where they are responsible for women. This is not at all subjugation or oppression, but rather a privilege and honor. Muslim women should feel gratitude to their guardians and foremost to Allah swt that He ordained a social order where we do not have to worry about our sustenance.

All praise belongs to Allah, and He is the only one worth of worship. May Allah swt make our spouses the light of our eyes and may He enable Muslim women to realize the tremendous honors she has been bestowed with.